Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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