shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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