Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
