there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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