I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
