So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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