the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
