I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
