it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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