first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
