There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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