I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
