I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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