I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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