He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
