His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
