You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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