When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
