there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
