You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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