I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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