Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
