Already got asked if we're dating
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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