There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
