just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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