my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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