The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
