it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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