Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
