I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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