You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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