I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
