My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
