half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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