yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
