You really coming over, don't trick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
