dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
