i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
