I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
