You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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