I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
