maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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