Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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