the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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