I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
