party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
