I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
