If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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