I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
