well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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