so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
